A Chance

There goes a saying called "THE MILLION-DOLLAR CHANCE".........had nevr known what it was....only faint ideas, obscure images existed.....actually nevr felt lyk knowing it at face-value.......

It was an ordinary day.......nothing unusual, no strange feelings....there was plain nothing......came to collg as usual.....n then heard the name.....it was R.E.GHAW........well, or at least smthin lyk dat......few will claim to have heard the name.......definitely it wasnt a "big bang" of a company....but it was offering us a package that would set anybody's pulse racing.....

9.5-10 lakh Rs. per annum.........for a BE graduate........well, I don have the audacity to describe our feelings at that moment.....it was kinna .......had we gone nuts?.......or they?......we wer sm poor chaps who got entangled in stupid arguments over a mere Rs. 5.....most of us had bagged jobs with packages in the range of 2.7-3.2 lakhs per annum.......& here we were, listening to some astonishingly foreign accent of an associate director of a company that was going to offer some of us an exaggeratingly huge sum......as that guy went through his ppt, i came to learn about the company, its dealings, mode of operation & the diversity of jobs it had to offer......frankly, I was kinna fascinated......

We sat for the apti test.....it was for 55 mins.....& when we came out......most of us were crackin jokes........we had no expectations...at least I had none........nor was I interested.....in spite of that luring package, I had no intention of beginning my career as a software professional.......somehow this field did nt attract me......The result of the apti test would be out in an hour....

At 3:15 pm sharp, I received a phone-call from one of our guyz informing me that the list was out & I, alongwith a few others had been selected for the 2nd round.....that i did nt belive him for a few moments , was a totally different issue.....but when i realized it was true, I felt good for a moment ....but that was just for the sake of feeling good.......it was lyk....."oh !...so i have cleared this one......its good!....I m so talented, man!!"

& then something dawned on me.......I was just not prepared to go for the interview!!......neither physically nor mentally......& I was to be interviewed aftr 1.5 hrs....I had been sssooo casual......neithr had my formal wears....was wearing a "ketoes"......on top of that, I had been out of touch with the very few subjects I had been fond of, during my career as an engineering student......& lo!!!.....there was something more to add to the list.......I soon learnt that I had to carry my resume(or C.V.) alongwith an applicatn form at the interview.......& i had none at the moment.......

for 10 mins, I frantically moved to n fro.......asking every guy i knew if it would mean any harm if I did nt appear for the interview......can u just imagine?......being one of the privileged few selected for the interview......I was trying to shoo away from it.....& not just for the sake of doing that, I really did nt wanna go in & give the interview........

But i had to make a decision & that too, a bit fast.....I had Rs. 50 in my purse......took Rs.100 from a friend, caught a taxi & set off .......when i reached home after 25 mins, i literally jumped out of the taxi, took the lift......as i moved up, i felt for the 1st tym in lyf that i live on the tenth floor of a building....I had my resume in my hard disk....as i changed from my casuals to formals, i tried to take a print-out of the C.V.......& made a mess of it in a hurry......I was suddenly getting reminded about all the messy characters I had read about in stories....& my confidence was taking a deep plunge downward...& then i had a frenetic search for my Seconday & Higher Secondary marksheets, my gradecards......had to arrange them in proper order......dig up a reasonably good-looking file for carrying the essentials......& those were pretty daunting & ominous tasks for the moment......& just when I felt I was ready (physically) to go out for the interview, a friend called me up & said that my name had just been called out at the interview-session....I had kept a constant look at the watch......ther were still 25 mins remaining......!!.....saying that I had 25 mins remaining & I wd reach within that......i hung up....

I again caught a taxi, & on the way, had to fill up my application form......when I reached the campus......it was 2-3 mins remaining......Let me point out at this moment that I am usually pretty confident & can maintain my composure under most circumstances........but at the moment i was a nervous wreck......i had no idea what i would say at the interview & though lack of knowledge can at times be covered up by proper style of presentation & good communication skills, i just knew that it was not to be, this tym......I was quite sure that all thes efforts had been futile, i was nt gonna make it....& as we have had it, we alwayz achieve what we believe....

I made every conscious effort during the interview not to let them get a view of my state of mind, but i gave stupid replies, spoke too quickly & most importantly, i forgot that we shd nt be speaking out our minds during the interview.......

when i came out, i already knew the outcome.......now the wait was really long......once i felt I wd go back home.......but some faint expectation of "A million-rupees chance" kept me there......as i heard responses from my friendz after their interviews, i got dejected more n more & evry second i was getting surer about being rejected......

There was no expectation from my part, it was only frustration....it might seem strange that depression would be getting the bettr of me since from the very beginning, i had no intention of
taking it seriously.....but thats how human mind works!!......when u have the chance to make something happen, u dont give a fair try......when u know ur chances are gone, u repent for not having done something.....

It was a cloudy night....was sitting under the black sky.....i felt i could see inside me.......there was no longer any turmoil, it was as calm as a dead sea......my friends were just beside me.......still they seemed to be miles away.......for the moment i felt as if i had been marooned to some distant corner......where i had nobody to share my feelings.......the feelings which u rear inside u when u know THERE WAS A CHANCE TO MAKE IT BIG.......& NOW IT'S LOST.......

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Penned this down(or rather typed this out) today.........my feelings in a nut-shell......aftr a campus-interview......